Supporting Friends with Disabilities
Everyone brings their own unique backgrounds, personalities, needs, and interests to their friendships. Whether a person comes from a cultural or ethnic background that’s different from yours, has different opinions about politics or other issues, or has a disability, they still have the right to expect love, support, and understanding from their friends.
However, it may not always be easy to know how best to support someone with a disability. That’s okay! What’s important is that you care enough to listen and try. Here are some things to keep in mind that can help:
Be curious
Your willingness to talk about your friend’s disability, to ask respectful questions and show curiosity, helps them to feel they can be themselves with you and that you truly care.
See the whole person
Just because a person has a disability, that doesn’t mean that’s all there is to discuss. They are more than just a disability. They also have interests and priorities, just like anyone else. You should be able to talk about all of the things you both care about.
Being a good friend takes work
This is the same no matter the friend. You only get out of a friendship what you put into it. If your friend has a disability, sometimes it might require a bit of extra understanding, patience, or communication. You may need to give them extra slack when plans change or get canceled. Do your best to be flexible, offer alternatives, and avoid judgment. Give them the same understanding you would hope to receive.
Be an ally in the world
You can help make the world a more friendly place, by supporting events, activities, and businesses that are accessible and inclusive of people with disabilities. Advocate for these things in all areas of your life.
Be a safe space
Sometimes a person with a disability will need a safe space to vent, to express their disappointment, frustration, anger, or sadness. The best thing you can do is listen and give them your love and support. You don’t have to solve their problems! It only matters that you listen so that person feels heard.
Focus on friendly humor
Humor and joking around are important parts of every friendship. It’s normal to tease each other lightly, and all of us have made wisecracks about ourselves or others — calling ourselves “klutz” when we trip and fall, for example. As a friend, you shouldn’t be afraid to be playful, but follow the other person’s lead. Notice their behavior. Do they seem sensitive to jokes? Pay attention when you use humor; make sure the other person knows you’re only being playful and don’t intend to be unkind. Have open conversations about it. Intention is what matters; make your good intentions clear and steer away from anything that might hurt feelings.
Nothing about them without them
A person with a disability isn’t any less of a person. Don’t minimize them or their experiences by speaking or acting on their behalf, unless they specifically ask you to. You can stay by their side and advocate with them, but don’t feel like you need to do it for them.
