Finding Your People

Schools and organizations (like NNCIL) are great for helping you learn academic and career skills. But we often don’t get a lot of instruction on making friends. Many people struggle with finding and keeping friends, even those without disabilities — but your disability may add further challenges. 

Here are some things to think about when it comes to friendships and peer relationships:

Focus on the caring, supportive people in your life

Surround yourself with people who make you feel good — important and included. Don’t spend time on anyone who makes you feel bad. Good friends won’t think of you as helpless or less than, and they won’t minimize your experiences. 

Good friends may not always know how to best support you, and that’s okay! They should at least be willing and open to learn. You should always feel safe asking them for help or just to spend time with them.

Be open about your disability

Your disability is part of what makes you YOU! Don’t feel like you need to hide it or how it affects your life. People are naturally curious, and they may ask questions. A good friend asks them kindly. Just be honest about what your struggles are. Your disability doesn’t affect your ability to be a good friend.

Be yourself

Don’t change who you are to please other people. Just be yourself! This will help you find people who share your interests and will love and encourage you for who you are. Honesty is the best foundation for a friendship. True friends will care about you, no matter what. And if they don’t, they don’t deserve you!

Join a group

Groups that form around shared interests, whether they’re book clubs, service organizations, art classes, or church congregations, are wonderful places to meet new people. If you can’t find a group that suits your needs and interests, why not start one of your own? See our page “Connect to These Communities” for more on the role groups can play in helping you get to know others.

Take initiative

Having a disability may make you feel insecure about making the first move with new friends. It’s important to remember that everyone feels insecure sometimes. It always feels good when someone wants to be your friend. Why not share that experience with someone else?

If there’s someone you’d like to get to know better, maybe you could invite them to have coffee or lunch sometime, or even to take a walk in the park? Perhaps you could start a book club or movie club with a couple of people? Get creative!

Resources:

• Best Buddies in Nevada: Helps people with disabilities in Nevada to make friends and find support in their communities 
• The Friendship Project: Australian organization The Friendship Project is a series of videos and written materials (including Easy Read) for people with intellectual disabilities, made by and with people with disabilities, about making and keeping friends. 
• Foundation for People with Learning Disabilities’ True Friendships Project: The True Friendships Project hopes to make it easier for people with disabilities to make and keep friends. The True Friendships Project is focused on creating opportunity and capacity for friendships for all. Its Relationship Resource Guide contains tips for making friends and much more.